Every day I think about the prophecy to write the book
that would help women who were on the verge of committing suicide because they
have lost everything. “You are to write the book because you have lost
everything but yet you have not lost your joy.” (Todd
Hall) I wondered how that latent
joy would help me get up on this particular morning. Would it be a joyous day? I faced the fact that joy had nothing to do with
reality, that I couldn't go around acting as though nothing negative was
happening in my life.
Was it God's will
that these things were happening now? Was it my entire fault? My repeated
question was “What, Lord, do I learn from this? When will this nightmare end?”
What exactly I was supposed to be doing I didn't know. I attempted to apply for
teaching positions, but my hands froze just before sending off for transcripts,
I didn't have the extra money anyway to pay for them. Besides that, I still
suffered from a bureaucratic setback from the last teaching position I held. As
I surfed the internet for positions in Louisiana I thought, surely New Orleans
will need teachers. If not teaching, what?
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