Testimony an Excerpt from The Butterfly Journal

"I will never leave you nor forsake you." The words from Joshua 1:5 leapt off the pages of my bible. The flood of emotions were real and caused me to understand that although the past seven years had been tumultuous The Lord was showing mercy and love toward me. Everyday now was becoming a blessing. But, in the midst of our trials my husband was diagnosed with prostate cancer. His surgery and subsequent treatments went well and he was able to return to work in a few weeks. Thank God for insurance! Other than his health we did not discuss our other concerns with the church. As pastor, he continued to lead by example and continued to give from his income, giving tithes and offering and sometimes paying the mortgage on the church were decisions about which he appeared not to waiver. Our beautiful dream home was dust in the wind. The mortgage crisis took its toll and collectively we began to lose everything. Moving to a three bedroom apartment in a gated community was a no brainer. It was beautiful and would turn out to be a financial blessing. A rent reduction after a year and another as I became the after school tutor for the community children made this an affordable place to live. I had stopped substitute teaching and devoted my time to the after school program. As the complex grew, societal issues of loud neighbors, fighting, theft, gunshots made me long for the solitude of my own space again. This nice segue to home living after four years of apartment living minimized my fears about the future. We were on our way to recovery. The only one complaining was the son who did not have wheels. No buses drove through this community as before at the dream home. While unpacking boxes I reminisced the past. It was coming to a close but not quick enough. Health issues caused me to seek professionals to first discover the condition of my joints. That settled, another issue crept up causing me to seek the advice of my regular gynecologist. The dreaded "C" word entered our conversation after she had done an extensive exploratory in that region of my body. One exploratory and one surgery later we thought we got most of the cancer that had begun to develop in my uterus. My attitude toward this new challenge was that it too would pass. There were reasons that I had developed endometrial cancer; obeisity and heredity. We had lost one sister to cancer, another was battling breast cancer and now me. Feeling sorry for myself was not an option. I had too many instructions from the Lord to go out without fulfilling them. Everyday I could feel myself growing stronger. I continued to write; my blogs were inspirational and never mentioned my health. Editing my first book for revision occupied a great deal of time, attending the new church with a great pastor and wonderful brothers and sisters in the Lord invigorated my walk with Him. In the midst of this all I was excited about the new possibilities that were overtaking me. I was emerging as a writer, a motivator an inspiration to my sister networks. Thankful, grateful and a receipient of new mercies I am filled with joy. Confession and forgiveness of my sins allowed me to grow in Christ. Finding the important things and people in my life also showed me the reason for this trial. As I payed attention I began to see that I had to let more people into my secure little box of self-dependence. In so doing Christ would shine through me and draw more people to Him. At the right place and season I would declare, "Butterfies are free!" "There shall not any man be able to stand before thee all the days of thy life: as I was with Moses, so I will be with thee: I will not fail thee, nor forsake thee." Joshua 1:5